Children's insights in to the Bible

• Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
• Henry VIII thought so much of Wolsey that he made him a cardigan.
• The Fifth Commandment is: Humour thy father and mother.
• Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day but a ball of fire by night.
• When Mary heard that she was to be the Mother of Jesus, she went off and sang the Magna Carta.
• Salome was a woman who danced naked in front of Harrods.
• The epistles were wives of the apostles.
• Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
• A deacon is a mass of flammable material.
• Holy acrimony is another name for marriage.
• The Pope lives in the vacuum.
• Paraffin is next in order after seraphim.
• Iran is the Bible of the Muslims.
• The Pharisees fasted in public, but in private they devoured widow's houses.
• Today wild beasts are confined to Theological Gardens.
• The patron saint of travellers is St. Francis of the sea sick.
• Christians can have only one wife. This is called monotony.
• A Republican is a sinner mentioned in the Bible.
• The natives of Macedonia did not believe, so St. Paul got stoned.
• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• It is sometimes difficult to hear what is being said in church because the agnostics are so terrible.
• The masculine of vixen is vicar.