Transatlantic thoughts to ponder
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
- If the funeral procession is at night, do you drive with
your lights off?
- If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a
sound?
- When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- If cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right
to remain silent?
- Why is the word abbreviation so long?
- If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
- Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
- What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that
eats only endangered plants?
- Is it possible to be totally partial?
- What's another word for thesaurus?
- When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
- Why do they call it a TV set, when you get only one?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- If a turtle loses its shell... is it naked, or homeless?
- If a tin whistle is made out of tin... and it is...
exactly what is a fog horn made out of?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
Anonymous, from
the internet
The Bill
Some years ago an artist was commissioned to restore a mural in a Yorkshire
church. He did the work and submitted a bill, but the authorities refused to pay
until they had specific details of the work done, so another bill was submitted
and this is how it read:
To:-
- 10 shillings and sixpence
- Washing High Priest's
servants£
- 2 shillings
- Cleaning out St. David's
ears
- 8 shillings
- Polishing up Pontius Pilate and putting new ribbons in his hat
- 7 shillings
- Renewing Heaven, adjusting the stars
and cleaning the moon
- £1 11 shillings and one penny
- Brightening up the flames of Hell, putting a new tail on the Devil and
doing odd jobs for the damned
- 7 shillings
- Touching up Purgatory and restoring
four lost souls
- 2 shillings
- Improving appearance of Pharaoh's daughter
- 2 shillings
- Mending shirt of Prodigal Son
The bill was paid without comment!
© Fulwood Methodist Church
17:07:41 Wednesday, 26 October 2005
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